Progress Pictures Jan 21/2019 – Dec 11/2019

So I debated long and hard about posting this. But I told myself I would be honest and show all the progress I made. Even though when I look at the pictures all I see are the negatives.


When I see the pictures I see that areas are thicker. I am not as far along as I would like to be.


What the rational side of me is saying there are internal changes:

1) I have increased my training since the beginning of the year.

2) My stamina has increased and my strength has increased

3) My form has improved in my martial arts

4) It looks like I have more muscle mass in my legs, more definition.

5) My abs are stronger, and I can do more sit ups than before, so I have muscle under all that ick.

6) I noticed the other days, when working out, sprawls and getting explosive exercises, that require jumping up, plyometrics are much better than before.

But here are progress pictures… as good or as bad as they are. I put them here to have a record of it.

Workout Deviation… There’s more of hummus, than of ill humors about me.

I debated posting this to my blog. I like to be uplifting and helpful. But I like to be completely honest about my feelings, and how even though I workout 5 to 6 days a week I still have bad days.

Workout: 35 minute run and core workout

Do you ever feel like a… your a joke to others? I take pictures to keep video/picture history of my progress. But end up taking 100 pictures to just to get one I don’t hate. I have had people ideate in the past that I am vain and just want to show off. But that could not be further from the point. It often makes me feel like I should just stop sharing. Oh boy and some days I just want to delete the videos because who boy are they horrible. Or at least I think I look horrible.

I don’t know if this ill humor is cause I did not sleep well, or if I am spoiling for aunt flow’s visit. If I may adopt quote “blot of mustard, crumb of cheese, fragment of underdone potato,” there’s more of hummus than of ill humors about me. =P Well that amused me a little.

But I am having one of those days were I just did not want to do my workout because I felt like it was or I was a joke, it was not getting me anywhere, and every picture I took of me I hated.

Here was what I did if you are interested:
1) 20 minute stead state run
2) Pike crunches reps – 20, 16, 16
3) Bicycle crunches reps – 20, 20, 20
4) Dead Bugs 3 reps of 40 seconds

I workout 5 to six days a week, but these are the feelings I still deal with. I did not do the workout I had set up for my week, but I did do something, and got some core in so that is good.

I hope this does not bring you all down. Keep being awesome and striving to be a better you. Thanks for reading.

A Small Bit of Hope for the future… my progress pictures

Having one of those days where I need reminding that I have made progress. Some days I feel old and achy, and feel like I am not making progress. I am wearing the same shirt/tank here. I can see a small amount of progress… but I have to remember I also had a back injury in between the 3/10/2018 and yesterdays picture. Every day I look in the mirror I don’t see the progress. I know a lot of people have body dysmorphia and I am not a special snow flake, but that is why I take the pictures. (note: I am un-diagnosed with Body Dysmorphia, however, based on the fact that I focus on the negative and do not see the progress its a red flag and easy leap to make that assessment.) So at moments like these I can go back and look. Maybe an see some progress/hope to see progress. The pictures are my small hope that in the future I will see something better.

Please know I am not crying out for positive feedback. I don’t ever want to put the burden of constantly holding me up on my community, friends, and family. However, this is how I cope with some of the negative feelings that crop up. I look at my pictures, try to find some positive things/changes, and then soldier on. I can not make changes if I just sit there in inaction. So no matter how bad I feel, I push through. I acknowledge I am feeling this way, talk to people I trust, and then push through.

I don’t know if this will help anyone. But like I said this is how I try to cope. One day I will look back and hopefully be surprised how far I have come. My little bit of hope I put out into the world. =)