Workout Deviation… There’s more of hummus, than of ill humors about me.

I debated posting this to my blog. I like to be uplifting and helpful. But I like to be completely honest about my feelings, and how even though I workout 5 to 6 days a week I still have bad days.

Workout: 35 minute run and core workout

Do you ever feel like a… your a joke to others? I take pictures to keep video/picture history of my progress. But end up taking 100 pictures to just to get one I don’t hate. I have had people ideate in the past that I am vain and just want to show off. But that could not be further from the point. It often makes me feel like I should just stop sharing. Oh boy and some days I just want to delete the videos because who boy are they horrible. Or at least I think I look horrible.

I don’t know if this ill humor is cause I did not sleep well, or if I am spoiling for aunt flow’s visit. If I may adopt quote “blot of mustard, crumb of cheese, fragment of underdone potato,” there’s more of hummus than of ill humors about me. =P Well that amused me a little.

But I am having one of those days were I just did not want to do my workout because I felt like it was or I was a joke, it was not getting me anywhere, and every picture I took of me I hated.

Here was what I did if you are interested:
1) 20 minute stead state run
2) Pike crunches reps – 20, 16, 16
3) Bicycle crunches reps – 20, 20, 20
4) Dead Bugs 3 reps of 40 seconds

I workout 5 to six days a week, but these are the feelings I still deal with. I did not do the workout I had set up for my week, but I did do something, and got some core in so that is good.

I hope this does not bring you all down. Keep being awesome and striving to be a better you. Thanks for reading.

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A Small Bit of Hope for the future… my progress pictures

Having one of those days where I need reminding that I have made progress. Some days I feel old and achy, and feel like I am not making progress. I am wearing the same shirt/tank here. I can see a small amount of progress… but I have to remember I also had a back injury in between the 3/10/2018 and yesterdays picture. Every day I look in the mirror I don’t see the progress. I know a lot of people have body dysmorphia and I am not a special snow flake, but that is why I take the pictures. (note: I am un-diagnosed with Body Dysmorphia, however, based on the fact that I focus on the negative and do not see the progress its a red flag and easy leap to make that assessment.) So at moments like these I can go back and look. Maybe an see some progress/hope to see progress. The pictures are my small hope that in the future I will see something better.

Please know I am not crying out for positive feedback. I don’t ever want to put the burden of constantly holding me up on my community, friends, and family. However, this is how I cope with some of the negative feelings that crop up. I look at my pictures, try to find some positive things/changes, and then soldier on. I can not make changes if I just sit there in inaction. So no matter how bad I feel, I push through. I acknowledge I am feeling this way, talk to people I trust, and then push through.

I don’t know if this will help anyone. But like I said this is how I try to cope. One day I will look back and hopefully be surprised how far I have come. My little bit of hope I put out into the world. =)